1 00:00:01,550 --> 00:00:06,730 Hey, I got one. Tall, blue -eyed man, 35, likes working out, currently 2 00:00:06,730 --> 00:00:09,870 law degree, seeks pretty woman who is patient and understanding. 3 00:00:10,270 --> 00:00:11,710 That sounds perfect for you. 4 00:00:12,790 --> 00:00:14,890 Respond to cell block D, San Quentin. 5 00:00:17,790 --> 00:00:20,790 Well, San Quentin's in Marin County. It'd be a very pretty drive. 6 00:00:22,470 --> 00:00:24,550 Well, there is something about a man in uniform. 7 00:00:26,390 --> 00:00:30,290 Hey, here's a Cindy Crawford look -alike. 8 00:00:30,910 --> 00:00:33,910 People always think they look like celebrities, but only the most beautiful 9 00:00:33,910 --> 00:00:38,250 ones. Nobody ever says, I like old movies and walks on the beach and, by 10 00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:39,630 way, I'm a dead ringer for Don Rickles. 11 00:00:41,570 --> 00:00:45,530 Now, if you were writing an ad, who would you say you look like? 12 00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:50,310 Well, in high school, when my hair was longer, people were always telling me 13 00:00:50,310 --> 00:00:52,350 that I looked exactly like Farrah Fawcett. 14 00:00:53,030 --> 00:00:55,990 Not always, but, you know, now and again. 15 00:00:57,670 --> 00:00:58,670 Once. 16 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,920 Okay, nobody ever said it, but I wanted him to. 17 00:01:03,860 --> 00:01:05,440 How about you, Adam? Who would you say? 18 00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:06,700 Oh, that's easy. 19 00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:08,060 Al Pacino. 20 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:11,900 That is not easy. That's very difficult. 21 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,200 People tell me all the time I look like Pacino. 22 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:18,440 What people? 23 00:01:19,140 --> 00:01:23,760 Well, my mother and other people. 24 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:32,060 Hey, you guys, you know, We always just sit around and make fun of these ads. 25 00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:33,740 That's what they're there for, to make fun of. 26 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,880 And to keep our minds off our own sorry, dateless lives. 27 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:42,800 Okay, so what would happen if we each just picked one and answered it? 28 00:01:43,260 --> 00:01:46,580 We would cross the line from mocking loser to participating loser. 29 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,680 I think Holly's right. We should do this. 30 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:55,180 You know, as a lark. Well, count me out. I hate larks. I am not a larker. I do 31 00:01:55,180 --> 00:01:56,180 not lark well. 32 00:01:56,820 --> 00:02:00,740 Okay. Maybe we could all meet our dates at the same time at the bookstore. 33 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,000 I'm up for it. 34 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,760 Come on, you guys, stop it. Friends don't let friends answer personal. 35 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,380 Too late. I'm going to do it. 36 00:02:08,900 --> 00:02:11,100 Now, who to choose? 37 00:02:11,660 --> 00:02:13,160 Oh, this one looks good. 38 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,080 You see, but they all look good. You can't take it literally. You've got to 39 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:18,080 crack the code. 40 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,420 She says she's earthy. 41 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:21,960 Translation, smelly. 42 00:02:27,910 --> 00:02:28,910 Shy of mirrors. 43 00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:33,850 Spontaneous. Incontinent. 44 00:02:38,990 --> 00:02:41,330 Looking for an honest, successful man. 45 00:02:41,990 --> 00:02:42,990 Sugar daddy. 46 00:02:45,550 --> 00:02:49,970 Well built, long blonde hair, and a model. 47 00:02:50,590 --> 00:02:53,310 So you could be looking at a dream date with Fabio. 48 00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:57,620 She's probably just doing a little creative advertising. 49 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:02,620 To sell the product, you need to embellish 40%. It's like markup. 50 00:03:02,860 --> 00:03:05,300 They do it in their ads. You do it when you call them. 51 00:03:05,740 --> 00:03:06,740 I got mine. 52 00:03:07,340 --> 00:03:09,860 Recently divorced, quiet, shy, keeps to himself. 53 00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:11,320 He sounds nice. 54 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:13,400 He sounds like a serial killer. 55 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:19,160 No, he just needs the right woman to draw him out. Bruce him up a bit. 56 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,320 I don't know about this. Well, come on. It'll be fun. 57 00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:26,820 No, it won't be fun. It'll be the opposite of fun. It'll be golf. 58 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:33,040 Okay. Holly and I will go on our glamorous, exciting dates, and you stay 59 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,040 and feed the fish. Yeah. 60 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:37,700 Okay. All right. 61 00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:43,340 So Sam Quentin is a left off the freeway. 62 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,040 I answered one of those first, Lance, one. 63 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:55,100 You? Really? What happened? I woke up and I thought, I hate it when I dream 64 00:04:55,100 --> 00:04:56,100 a geek. 65 00:04:57,100 --> 00:05:00,620 My guy said he'd be wearing a sweater with a stain on it. Are stains back in 66 00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:02,920 fashion again? I cannot keep up with these trends. 67 00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:07,680 It's my stain man. 68 00:05:09,380 --> 00:05:11,360 Hello. Are you William? 69 00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:12,840 Holly? 70 00:05:13,420 --> 00:05:14,420 Hello. Hi. 71 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:18,240 I'm getting nervous. 72 00:05:18,940 --> 00:05:22,700 When I meet a woman, I can never tell if she really likes me or if she's just 73 00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:23,559 being nice. 74 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,420 Oh, that's easy. When people are trying to hide their feelings, their voices go 75 00:05:26,420 --> 00:05:28,080 up. Oh, you got a haircut. 76 00:05:28,580 --> 00:05:29,580 I like it. 77 00:05:29,780 --> 00:05:30,780 I really do. 78 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:33,900 I've heard that high voice. 79 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:35,600 I've heard it a lot. 80 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:38,599 Excuse me. 81 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:42,480 Hi, I'm looking for a man named Adam. He looks a little bit like Al Pacino. 82 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,540 That would be him over there talking to Meryl Streep. 83 00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:52,660 Hi. 84 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:54,340 You must be Jennifer. 85 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,160 And you must be Adam. 86 00:05:56,380 --> 00:05:57,420 So nice to meet you. 87 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:05,700 So, William, how recent was your divorce? 88 00:06:06,580 --> 00:06:10,280 Well, to be honest, I signed the papers this morning. Oh. 89 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,040 So I made a date for tonight to, uh... 90 00:06:14,810 --> 00:06:15,810 Celebrate my freedom. 91 00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:19,470 Well, here's to freedom. 92 00:06:19,890 --> 00:06:20,890 That's right. 93 00:06:21,510 --> 00:06:22,950 Now I can do anything I want. 94 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,050 No bath. 95 00:06:25,790 --> 00:06:26,790 No kids. 96 00:06:27,850 --> 00:06:29,170 No Mr. Snoopers. 97 00:06:30,930 --> 00:06:31,930 No one to care. 98 00:06:33,230 --> 00:06:34,230 All alone. 99 00:06:34,870 --> 00:06:35,970 With my freedom. 100 00:06:38,630 --> 00:06:41,470 Wow. You really do look like a model. 101 00:06:42,350 --> 00:06:44,310 You look nothing like Al Pacino. 102 00:06:45,510 --> 00:06:46,910 Oh, come on, watch this. 103 00:06:47,910 --> 00:06:48,910 Hoo -ha! 104 00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:52,870 Wait a minute, you've got to minus the beard. 105 00:06:53,470 --> 00:06:54,570 Hoo -ha! Hoo -ha! 106 00:06:56,070 --> 00:06:57,110 What are you doing? 107 00:06:57,370 --> 00:06:58,289 Al Pacino. 108 00:06:58,290 --> 00:06:59,930 Son of a woman! Hoo -ha! 109 00:07:00,730 --> 00:07:02,010 I didn't see that movie. 110 00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:06,050 Everybody saw Son of a Woman. He won the Oscar for that performance. 111 00:07:06,610 --> 00:07:10,050 Why are you getting so upset? You don't think you won it, do you? 112 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:13,219 Of course not. 113 00:07:13,220 --> 00:07:16,300 Okay, so you don't think I look like Al Pacino. Doesn't matter. 114 00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:18,500 You also said you were six feet tall. 115 00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:21,040 I just rounded off to the nearest foot. 116 00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:24,820 And a triathlete. 117 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:26,620 Again, I'm rounding. 118 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,820 You know how this personal ad stuff works. You're supposed to embellish 119 00:07:30,820 --> 00:07:32,700 everything 40%. It's like markup. 120 00:07:33,260 --> 00:07:34,320 Everybody does it. 121 00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:35,620 I didn't. 122 00:07:36,620 --> 00:07:37,620 I know. 123 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:42,980 You seem like a really nice guy. 124 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:44,900 But what I'm looking for is honesty. 125 00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:46,520 Just like my aunt said. 126 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,420 Too bad. You know, you're really kind of cute. 127 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,080 She was gorgeous. 128 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:02,840 Oh, come on. She wasn't that great, huh, Joe? The most beautiful woman I've ever 129 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:03,840 seen. 130 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,040 You blew it, man. 131 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:13,340 be a little more supportive? Oh, sorry. 132 00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:16,740 Hey, at least your date showed up. 133 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:23,400 Better? 134 00:08:26,780 --> 00:08:28,540 You know what? 135 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,520 I'm going to find another ad, and this time, I'm not only going to be honest, 136 00:08:32,740 --> 00:08:34,299 I'm going to be more than honest. 137 00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:35,500 Yeah. 138 00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:39,679 I'm marking myself down 40%. Yeah. 139 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,860 What woman can resist a sale? 140 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:49,880 Well, 141 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,720 at least one of us is having a lark, huh? 142 00:09:01,420 --> 00:09:02,420 Hoo -ah! 143 00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:14,600 Then I spent three years flying relief missions for the Peace Corps. Wait, 144 00:09:14,660 --> 00:09:18,200 wait. I'm confused. Was this before or after your years at the Sorbonne? 145 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:21,720 I gave up sculpting to become a pilot. 146 00:09:23,540 --> 00:09:25,860 Jackson, that is one impressive life story. 147 00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:29,720 Did I mention to you that I participated in Hands Across America? 148 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:33,920 Both hands. 149 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,580 Well, just one, because the guy on my right was sweaty, so I just, you know. 150 00:09:39,850 --> 00:09:42,130 I have a question for you. How come we have to keep our seats in the upright 151 00:09:42,130 --> 00:09:43,130 position for landing? 152 00:09:43,230 --> 00:09:44,230 It's FAA regulations. 153 00:09:44,570 --> 00:09:45,569 That's stupid. 154 00:09:45,570 --> 00:09:50,010 I mean, what's the difference? Like, upright, reclined. 155 00:09:51,710 --> 00:09:53,230 Upright, reclined. 156 00:09:54,270 --> 00:09:55,990 Like, that's going to make a difference if we crash. 157 00:09:56,570 --> 00:09:58,310 Live, die. 158 00:10:01,510 --> 00:10:02,930 You are very funny. 159 00:10:03,590 --> 00:10:04,529 Thank you. 160 00:10:04,530 --> 00:10:08,430 No, it's so rare to find a funny woman who is as beautiful as you are. 161 00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,190 Very, very rare. 162 00:10:15,050 --> 00:10:18,370 Well, I got to be honest with you. My career is pretty much stalled. 163 00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:20,910 My looks. 164 00:10:21,090 --> 00:10:22,850 Well, have you ever seen perfect strangers? 165 00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:26,530 Balky, in my dreams, Balky. 166 00:10:28,070 --> 00:10:29,070 Cousin Larry. 167 00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,170 Actually, I'm not nearly that handsome. 168 00:10:33,710 --> 00:10:35,950 So, what do you think? 169 00:10:38,030 --> 00:10:40,260 Great. Eight o 'clock it is. 170 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,120 Bye -bye. 171 00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:48,720 Things are going great with William. Last night we went to his grief therapy 172 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,660 group. It was fun. 173 00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:56,200 Hey, did I mention that Jackson volunteers at an orphanage? Yes, you 174 00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:01,060 it. We know about the orphanage, the flying, the sculpting, the cure for 175 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,940 Now, the FDA hasn't approved anything yet. 176 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,320 But the man is perfect. 177 00:11:07,980 --> 00:11:09,340 Well, and nobody is perfect. 178 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:11,280 Jackson is. 179 00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,240 That's his name, you know, Jackson Perfect. 180 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,620 You're in for a rude awakening. 181 00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:18,120 I found Mr. 182 00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:20,420 Perfect. I found Mr. 183 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,580 Perfect. There's no such thing. 184 00:11:22,820 --> 00:11:23,820 I found Mr. 185 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,640 Perfect. Going out with Mr. Perfect. 186 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:28,760 There's no such thing. 187 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,120 He's perfect. 188 00:11:30,220 --> 00:11:31,220 He's perfect. 189 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,240 There's got to be something wrong. 190 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:54,960 I haven't titled it yet. 191 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:59,360 I was thinking, perhaps, When Ellen Smiles. 192 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:06,680 Hey, 193 00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:09,180 these are fantastic photographs. Where'd you find them? 194 00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:10,620 I took them. 195 00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:13,060 Just a hobby, really. 196 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,700 Although that one was a Life magazine cover. 197 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,320 Why don't we move over to the couch here and finish off that wine? 198 00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:36,020 It's perfect. 199 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:38,160 Did you bottle it yourself? 200 00:12:40,740 --> 00:12:42,640 No, but I've had it for ten years. 201 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:44,720 I've been waiting for a special occasion. 202 00:12:45,980 --> 00:12:48,240 I have a canned ham I've probably had that long. 203 00:12:49,540 --> 00:12:51,580 Next time you come over to my place, we'll break it out. 204 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,180 You have the prettiest eyes. 205 00:13:09,390 --> 00:13:10,430 You don't like the way I kiss? 206 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:12,510 The way you kiss? No. 207 00:13:13,410 --> 00:13:14,410 I like it. 208 00:13:14,970 --> 00:13:15,970 I really do. 209 00:13:17,490 --> 00:13:18,490 You kiss perfect. 210 00:13:30,130 --> 00:13:31,670 So, how do I look? 211 00:13:32,630 --> 00:13:34,170 Dorky. What's with the tie? 212 00:13:34,510 --> 00:13:35,510 Got a job interview. 213 00:13:35,550 --> 00:13:36,890 Oh, then you look great. 214 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,560 What do you mean Jackson kisses weird? 215 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,380 He kisses weird. Not bad, really. 216 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,860 Okay, bad. Really, really bad. 217 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:48,640 Describe it. 218 00:13:49,180 --> 00:13:53,500 Well, he moves his mouth all the way to the side like this, like... 219 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:58,280 It's like making out with Popeye. 220 00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:07,540 And then he does this weird teeth -tongue combo thing that... I don't 221 00:14:07,690 --> 00:14:10,790 broke up with this unbelievably gorgeous guy because of bad kissing. 222 00:14:11,010 --> 00:14:14,590 I can't imagine breaking up with a gorgeous woman because she doesn't kiss 223 00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:16,450 A gorgeous woman is kissing me. 224 00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:17,690 That's good. 225 00:14:19,590 --> 00:14:21,910 Well, it doesn't work that way. Kissing is key. 226 00:14:23,170 --> 00:14:26,690 A good kiss should be tender but not feathery. 227 00:14:27,050 --> 00:14:28,350 Moist but not sloppy. 228 00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:29,930 Hard but not too rough. 229 00:14:30,510 --> 00:14:34,390 Sensual but not too tonguey. One kiss has to be all those things? 230 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:38,900 Boy, all this time I've only concentrated on the big stuff. 231 00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:44,040 Wait a minute, Ellen. We had one date. We kissed. 232 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,300 What did you think? 233 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,000 We kissed? 234 00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:55,760 You don't remember? 235 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:57,100 Oh, man. 236 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,800 We had no chemistry. I remember the whole night thinking this is the 237 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,940 of a beautiful platonic relationship. 238 00:15:05,620 --> 00:15:07,680 You could always teach Jackson how to kiss. 239 00:15:08,020 --> 00:15:11,000 Yeah, no. Only women with accents can get away with that stuff. 240 00:15:12,020 --> 00:15:15,140 Well, now I will teach you how to kiss. 241 00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,540 Oh, yes, good. 242 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:17,860 That's how we get sweeties. 243 00:15:22,260 --> 00:15:25,560 No, no, no, no, no. Not like the Popeye. He's not sexy. 244 00:15:25,820 --> 00:15:26,840 Open, open. 245 00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:28,420 Like this. 246 00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:30,740 Yeah, that'll work. 247 00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:36,620 That was a terrific dinner, wasn't it? Oh, yeah. 248 00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,580 Can't remember the last time he ate that much garlic. 249 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,400 I only hope the anchovies balance it out. 250 00:15:44,780 --> 00:15:46,840 I bet my breath is ferocious. 251 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,440 I'll be the judge of that. 252 00:15:51,580 --> 00:15:53,100 I'm having a great time tonight, Ellen. 253 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:54,840 Me too. 254 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:56,820 Why don't we, uh... 255 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:58,080 Relax. 256 00:15:58,580 --> 00:16:03,280 Put on some music and... Play chess. Good idea. 257 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:06,420 Work off some of that dinner. 258 00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:07,820 Your move. 259 00:16:09,020 --> 00:16:10,460 Let's play chess some other time. 260 00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:45,320 by their kitchen. For instance, gourmet cookbook, gourmet cook. 261 00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:47,860 Look at all these pots. 262 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:50,680 They're so shiny. 263 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:51,920 I can see myself. 264 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,620 Hi, Ellen. Hi, Ellen. 265 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:57,440 Hi, Ellen. 266 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,080 Quick, what popular Happy Days character am I? 267 00:17:10,220 --> 00:17:11,220 I don't know about this, Jackson. 268 00:17:11,540 --> 00:17:15,599 Don't worry. I'm not trying to rush things. I mean, we can just kiss and 269 00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:16,599 for a while. 270 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,099 Kissing, cuddling. You know, women hate that stuff. 271 00:17:19,740 --> 00:17:20,740 Can't we just have sex? 272 00:17:23,079 --> 00:17:25,440 Do you know what the key to a good relationship is? 273 00:17:25,819 --> 00:17:27,780 No. It's honest communication. 274 00:17:28,319 --> 00:17:31,080 You know, you can kiss, kiss, kiss, but if you don't talk, talk, talk, you don't 275 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,740 get anywhere. All we've done is talk. 276 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:36,520 Well, I read somewhere once in a Dr. Joyce Brothers column. Today, as a 277 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:37,760 of fact. That's how topical it is. 278 00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:43,360 that if your partner is doing something you don't like, you should tell him. Not 279 00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:44,360 that you're my partner. 280 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:48,040 Partner, ha! Sounds like we're in a big square dance or something, you know. Bow 281 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:49,040 to your partner. 282 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:50,320 What do you think? 283 00:17:50,340 --> 00:17:51,340 You lost me. 284 00:17:51,380 --> 00:17:54,540 Well, how about I tell you something that bothers me, and then you tell me 285 00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:57,240 something, and then we just keep going until everything's out in the open. 286 00:17:57,900 --> 00:17:59,820 I don't know about this. Oh, come on. 287 00:18:00,060 --> 00:18:01,060 I'll start. 288 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:06,520 I'm a little intimidated by all your awards and successes and hobbies. 289 00:18:06,740 --> 00:18:07,740 There, your turn. 290 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,280 What's the point of this? It's good. It's communication. 291 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,880 Come on, there must be something about me that bothers you. 292 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:16,120 There's nothing. 293 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:17,580 What am I, Miss Perfect? 294 00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:21,140 Come on, one thing. Just tell me one thing. All right, all right. 295 00:18:22,660 --> 00:18:25,360 Well, your feet. 296 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:33,460 My feet? What's wrong with them? 297 00:18:34,420 --> 00:18:37,260 Well, they're too big. 298 00:18:41,230 --> 00:18:42,230 I do feel better. 299 00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:45,290 That's been bugging me since the night we met. 300 00:18:47,630 --> 00:18:48,770 What do you mean they're too big? 301 00:18:49,970 --> 00:18:50,970 They're huge. 302 00:18:51,310 --> 00:18:52,310 Wide, too. 303 00:18:55,730 --> 00:18:59,650 I believe I know my feet and they're neither of those things. Oh, my God, 304 00:18:59,730 --> 00:19:00,730 they're like clown feet. 305 00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:05,650 And you know, when you walk, you clomp on them. Really, you clomp, clomp, 306 00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,450 My feet? How about your Popeye kisses? 307 00:19:11,690 --> 00:19:12,830 You kiss like Popeye. 308 00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:16,850 It's like you're waiting for somebody to pour in a big can full of spinach. 309 00:19:19,510 --> 00:19:24,390 Ellen, that's just pathetic. I mean, I bring up one minor physical flaw and you 310 00:19:24,390 --> 00:19:27,590 invent something to get back at me. I have been dwelling on your kisses for 311 00:19:27,590 --> 00:19:29,710 days. Ask my friends. I've lost sleep about this. 312 00:19:29,910 --> 00:19:33,230 Well, so have I. I had a nightmare that you were stomping on me. 313 00:19:36,410 --> 00:19:38,860 Oh, yeah, well, you should have put it in your ass. You're so nutty for little 314 00:19:38,860 --> 00:19:41,900 feet. Not little feet. Human feet. Believe me. 315 00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:45,220 I'm far more troubled that you can't take the slightest criticism without 316 00:19:45,220 --> 00:19:48,080 becoming enraged. I was willing to overlook your colossal feet. 317 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:53,500 They are not colossal feet. Look at them. Ellen, I'm begging you, put that 318 00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:54,500 on. 319 00:19:58,980 --> 00:20:01,880 I've always liked my feet. They're perfectly normal feet. 320 00:20:03,380 --> 00:20:04,339 Jeez, Ellen. 321 00:20:04,340 --> 00:20:06,280 Put those things away. You're scaring the customers. 322 00:20:11,090 --> 00:20:13,530 Teasing. That Jackson guy was obviously nuts. 323 00:20:13,910 --> 00:20:14,910 Yeah. 324 00:20:15,370 --> 00:20:16,890 So, how's it going with William? 325 00:20:17,410 --> 00:20:19,070 Never better. Last night? 326 00:20:19,390 --> 00:20:21,690 Twice. Wow, what a man. 327 00:20:22,510 --> 00:20:24,710 No, no, no. He only called me Beth twice. 328 00:20:27,050 --> 00:20:29,430 Refill? Um, yeah, 329 00:20:30,310 --> 00:20:31,330 I guess so. 330 00:20:32,390 --> 00:20:34,850 I am just so bad at making decisions. 331 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:40,860 I find your honesty so disarming, Adam. Most men can't admit to any fault. 332 00:20:41,180 --> 00:20:43,720 Well, I'm even honest to a fault. 333 00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:47,860 The truth is, I'm just not smart enough to come up with lies. 334 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:55,940 Maybe if I, you know, worked out more, I'd have the energy for it, but I kid 335 00:20:55,940 --> 00:20:56,940 myself. 336 00:20:58,360 --> 00:20:59,360 Don't stop. 337 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:02,580 I don't know what else to say. 338 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:07,320 You'd think someone balding as fast as I am would compensate by being a smooth 339 00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:08,320 talker, but not me. 340 00:21:10,380 --> 00:21:13,800 I am five years away from a bad comb -over. 341 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,980 If only the hair on my back were on my head. 342 00:21:36,590 --> 00:21:39,330 I have wonderful news. Holly, this is Beth. 343 00:21:40,990 --> 00:21:41,990 Beth? 344 00:21:45,530 --> 00:21:46,970 It's so nice to meet you. 345 00:21:47,210 --> 00:21:50,170 I can't thank you enough for the changes in William. 346 00:21:50,730 --> 00:21:52,010 He's like a new man. 347 00:21:52,930 --> 00:21:54,070 We're getting back together. 348 00:21:54,670 --> 00:21:56,730 Holly, you're the greatest. 349 00:21:58,010 --> 00:21:59,010 Thanks. 350 00:22:08,650 --> 00:22:11,890 Well, you know, you may have enjoyed the personal ad experience, but I did not. 351 00:22:11,970 --> 00:22:16,150 And from now on, I am only going to meet nice, normal people under nice, normal 352 00:22:16,150 --> 00:22:17,750 circumstances like here at the bookstore. 353 00:22:17,990 --> 00:22:18,990 Excuse me. 354 00:22:19,130 --> 00:22:22,830 I couldn't help but overhear you talking about your feet. 355 00:22:23,150 --> 00:22:25,490 And I just have to say, I think they're lovely. 356 00:22:27,450 --> 00:22:31,490 Thank you. Oh, they're just so smooth and shapely. They're simply stunning. 357 00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:36,450 Could I, uh... 358 00:22:37,459 --> 00:22:38,459 Smell your shoes. 359 00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:46,620 Okay, now do Injustice for All. 360 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:49,640 I'm out of order. 361 00:22:49,900 --> 00:22:52,860 You're out of order. This whole courtroom is out of order. 362 00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:55,760 That's pretty good. I can top that. 363 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:57,080 Godfather 3. 364 00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,680 Every time I think I'm out, they pull me back in.